Listening to: The Megas-Fly on a Dog
Watching: my life go by
Drinking: Pepsi Next
By the way, if anybody cares, it's my birthday today. I say "if anybody cares," because I don't.
Another year older, wiser, and still no closer to happiness. I suppose I should take joy in my fiance, and my 2 darling girls, and I do. But for the last half-decade, this day has depressed me. I'm not young anymore, as my back reminds me every day. My best days are behind me now. And besides good-looking kids, what do I have to show for it?
Seriously, the score from "The Shawshank Redemption" keeps playing over and over in my head every birthday for the last long while. And while that movie is a testament to the ultimate strength of the human spirit, I don't know how much spirit I have left in me anymore. I believe that YEARS of pure mental discipline in controlling my Bipolar Disorder have finally failed. My mind races, my mood darkens, and while suicide is DEFINITELY off the table, some form of giving up seems inevitable if I don't do something. Trouble is, I HATE taking pills, and even put off asprin for that exact reason.
Maybe I'm just venting. But there's no birthday cake in my house right now, and I am glad. Another reminder of another year wasted in the pathetic dream of success seems so pointless to me. I bet no one even follows this journal anymore, either. In that case, I'm just venting my frustrations. If someone IS reading this, however... why??? Just... WHY???
Bah, it's just another birthday, and there WILL be more. I'm sure this funk will lift once Spring training games start, and all will be sunshine and farts again. In the meantime, I'll simply await my (late) birthday gift of Arkham City: Armored Edition.
Until next time (whenever THAT is), this is ByteManNeo on Miiverse, saying "Good night, and good luck."